The Speech
by greggsmk
Summary: Shala'Raan, after receiving and odd video regarding Tali takes her concerns to Rael'Zorah. In the video, Tali is firing up her team before the mission to Haestrom the way Commander Shepard did for all those really important missions during her Pilgrimage, with a good old-fashioned spirit-boosting speech. Inspired by Inglourious Basterds, a oneshot spoof for your reading pleasure.


Disclaimer: Mass Effect and everything associated with it are property of Bioware and EA. I think Inglourious Basterds is the property of Universal Pictures. No copyright infringement is intended.

AN: Just a quick little oneshot. While browsing the Mass Effect category, I came across a story entitled Inglorious Bosh'tets. While I couldn't quite get into it, the title alone put this image in my head, and I had to get it down on paper. It's not meant to be connected with that story in any way shape or form, and it's unbeta-ed, so I apologize for any errors (and I'm sure there are plenty) but hopefully you'll enjoy this little tidbit.

* * *

The Speech

"Rael, I need to speak with you; in private if possible. It's about Tali."

Rael'Zorah looked up from his console, and towards the vidscreen hanging on the wall. Shala'Raan stared back at him from across the Flotilla, once more distracting him from his work, work that would finally bring an end to their wandering and let them return to Rannoch. Coolly, he finished tapping the console and stood to respond, "Shala, I'm right in the middle of an experiment, you know this. Can it not wait?"

"Then stop whenever you can, I am already on a shuttle to the Alarei."

Sighing, Rael stepped back to the console, its screen highlighting the latest progress on the Geth's viral response. Reaching out, he began shutting down the scanners and programs running, cutting power to the single Geth unit behind the security screen. Toggling the ship's comm system, he ordered, "Dalen, Admiral Raan is on her way over to discuss some important news. I'm not sure how long it will take, so I want you to take lead for the rest of the shift. Continue probing for antiviral reactions and be sure to maintain your firewalls at full strength. We do not want this bosh'tet waking up now, do we?"

"Acknowledged, Admiral."

Nodding to himself, he stepped away from the console, and began walking the twisted path from the laboratories to the docking bay. Letting his feet find the familiar path, his thoughts turned as they often did, to his daughter.

Tali. Now Tali'Zorah vas Neema.

Keelah, was he ever proud when he'd first heard that. Not that he'd ever been able to tell her such, but surely she knew it. He'd seen the reports coming from the Citadel after the attack: Tali'Zorah, member of the Migrant Fleet was a part of the crew that saved the damn galaxy. He'd gotten even more information once she'd returned from her pilgrimage. That she'd traveled with and served under Commander Shepard, the first human Spectre, and not only served under, but fought alongside him for the majority of his mission. That she'd been the one to plant a round in the rogue Spectre, Saren Arterius' skull. That she'd learned the truth behind the Prothean extinction and that of many more races besides.

Reapers, giant techno-organic starships responsible for a cycle of galactic extinction stretching back millions of years.

He still wasn't convinced it wasn't simply a ploy of some sort by the Geth and Saren, but on the off chance it was true, then it was even more imperative that they retake Rannoch from the Geth, so as to protect their civilians while the Fleets went to war. She had finally returned, bearing with her the news that Commander Shepard had been killed in a surprise attack she'd barely escaped from.

He'd watched from the side of the docking bay as she had presented her gift to Han'Gerrel, the Admiral and flag officer of the Neema. Her suit had been covered in so many patches and so much repair work, he was surprised she hadn't fully re-adapted her immune system on her travels. Even after his original impression watching her exit the shuttle, he couldn't help but notice the additions she'd made. Incredibly large redundant shield generator. Combat optic system glowing behind her helmet's visor. Sleek and utterly brutal shotgun and pistol clamped to her back and leg repectively. Keelah, he hadn't even _recognized_ the model of omni-tool strapped to her arm, though it was clearly far more advanced than the Bluewire he'd given her for her Pilgrimage. And he was sure there was far more hidden away.

Apparently she wasn't his sweet little Tali, anymore.

Coming to a stop near one of the Docking Bay's viewports, he rested his hands on the ledge, watching as the small speck of grey rapidly expanded into one of the Tonbay's shuttles. Stepping back as the airlock clamped on and decontamination began, he stood impatiently. Finally, the airlock gave a hiss and turning, cycled open.

The slight figure of Shala'Raan stepped forward, finding his eyes behind his visor almost immediately, "Rael, good, there's something we must discuss. Your quarters?"

He nodded and turned to walk away, "Shala, what exactly is so important it couldn't be transmitted?"

"It's about Tali, I am concerned about her. One of the marine's serving under her forwarded me some footage that I thought you would need to see."

"And you couldn't simply transmit it over a secure line? Not even one of the locked comm's your scouts use?

"It's not an overt issue, it's one that only those who know her would see as out of place."

"So why are you bringing it to me? As much as I love her, you and half the damn Flotilla know we aren't the closest of people."

"Rael…"

Coming to the door to his quarters, Rael triggered the keypad, opening it and walking over to his desk- a luxury of use he was entitled to as an Admiral. Taking a seat, he watched as Shala closed the door and locked it behind her, "Keelah, Shala, I am directly in the middle of an experiment that may very well win us back the homeworld. I do not have time to play father and she certainly does not require it. So why do I need to see this?"

"Because it may show you just how much her Pilgrimage and this Commander Shepard affected her. Because you need to know that she's hurting, you bosh'tet."

"Shala-"

"Just watch the damn video, we'll have words after," he watched as she sighed, shook her head and moved to his bunk. "This was taken by Squad Leader Kal'Reegar, who was placed along with his men directly under Tali's command. They've worked together before, though never led together."

Sitting down, she raised one hand to her omni-tool, tapping its holographic interface and projecting the vidscreen so Rael could see it. The sight that greeted him was one of Tali, walking along a quarian ship's passageway. From the markings on the wall, we could tell it was one of Shala's Scout Fleet.

* * *

"Ma'am, you'll be fine."

"Kal, I know, it simply feels as though I am usurping your place."

"We're marines, ma'am. We go where they tell us to go, shoot who they tell us to shoot, and follow who they tell us to follow. 'Sides, we're just going in to kill a few Geth; won't need much to get us committed."

Tali paused, and the video stopped and turned towards her as she brought her hands together and began to wring them, "I know, and I appreciate that-"

"First time commanding?"

The hands paused, falling to her side as she shook her head, "No, but the last mission really didn't go as planned. Back on my Pilgrimage it was always up to Shepard to lead us and everything worked so smoothly."

The video turned away, and began walking once more towards the door at the end of the hallway, "So draw from 'im: get us fired up and let's go kill us some flashlights."

They entered the Docking Bay, and saw Kal'Reegar's team snapping to attention. Eleven marines, a full dozen once Reegar went to stand alongside, and the three scientists attached. Tali moved to the front and seemed to pause for a moment, tilting her head to the side. It couldn't be seen through her visor, but the grin that must have split her face could be amply heard in her voice. Sharply turning, she began to pace as her eyes found the visors of the entire team before her.

"My name is Tali'Zorah vas Neema, and what we've got ourselves is a downright special team. I wanted me twelve soldiers. Twelve Flotilla-loving, Geth-hatin', headlamp-cracking soldiers. Now, y'all might have heard rumors about the Heavy Fleet's attack happenin' soon. Well, we'll be leaving a little earlier. We're gonna be dropped onto Haestrom, stealthed up to our damn boots. And once we're in enemy territory, as a bushwhackin' guerrilla squad, we're gonna be doing one thing and one thing only…killing Geth."

"Now, I don't know about ya'll, but I sure as hell didn't come straight off my pilgrimage, onto this here mission, and smack dab into the mechanical fray to teach the Geth lessons in organic mercy. Geth sure as hell ain't organic, and they sure as hell don't have any mercy. They're the foot soldiers of a quarian-hatin', mass-murderin' race of killing machines and they need to be dee-stroyed."

"That's why any and every flashlight-headed bosh'tet that came off a production line, they're gonna die. Now, I'm the only daughter of Admiral Rael'Zorah. That means I cut my teeth on the mechanical scraps he left in his wake. And our battle plan will be much the same. We will be cruel to the Geth, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And when they network they will see the evidence of our cruelty in the disabled, dismembered, and discarded platforms that we leave behind us. And the Geth won't not be able to help themselves but to compute the cruelty their fellow machines endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And the Geth will be sickened by us, and the Geth will talk about us, and the Geth will fear us. And when the Geth dim their headlights at night and they're tortured by their subroutines for the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with. Sound good?"

"YES, MA'AM!"

"That's what I like to hear. But I got a word of warning for all you would-be warriors. When you join my command, you take on debit. A debit you owe me personally. Each and every man under my command owes me one hundred Geth flashlights. And I want my flashlights. And all y'all will get me one hundred Geth flashlights, taken from the heads of one hundred dead Geth. Or you will die tryin'. Dis-missed!"

As the marines turned and marched into the shuttle, Kal'Reegar simply waited until Tali was the last one and a series of clicks sounded out, signaling a private comm opening between his and Tali's suits, "Shepard, I take it, ma'am?"

"Get spaced, it was the first thing I could think of."

* * *

The vidscreen cut out, and Shala tapped her omni-tool, returning it to dormancy. Catching Rael's eyes behind his visor she spoke softly, "You see, Rael?"

"Keelah, I see, alright. I'm just not sure whether I want to shake this Shepard's hand, or go and spit on his corpse."

* * *

AN: Okay, I know: the mission to Haestrom was scientific in nature- trying to figure out the star's destabilizing core, but it was also the most recognizable mission we as readers can associate Tali with. I thought about continuing the story a little bit to see more of Shala and Rael's reaction, but I figured that I'd gotten the point across already. Comments and reviews are always appreciated, thanks for reading.


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